Those fuzzy first weeks filled with mothering moments - caring gestures from our new-found community, the neighbours we lived alongside for years but never connected with until now. Our son was born during the first lockdown, leaving us isolated in our own bubble like the rest of the world. And if it takes a village to raise children, then what does that look like when we are without our loved ones? For many, the last year has been filled with tremendous grief and separation from their families. Like me, they all leaned on the women around them to create the network to raise their families. When I speak to this new-found family about how they survived early parenthood they all had one thing in common - community. It has been an inspiration to see friendship in action even after someone has left this world. Deep, thoughtful acts of affection from women who find time to show they care despite their own busy lives. These people, 30 years my senior, do not treat me as a child as such, and by allowing me into their real world, I have gained access to not only their maternal knowledge, but their authentic experiences as humans in the present.
Arina dreams motherless how to#
Like my mother-in-law teaching me how to bathe our daughter, reminding me to laugh and not take things so seriously, and sharing her own postpartum experiences to help me live in mine. They reach out with both logistical advice as well as sharing their experienced perspective and treat me like one of their own, never allowing us to feel like we are alone. Sending cards for every occasion, excitedly asking for pictures and videos, knitting baby blankets for both kids, and always chiming in with encouraging posts and comments. Women who loved my mother so much and exercise that in their celebrations of our children’s milestones. A team of adoptive grandmothers cheering us on from the sidelines. Unlike a mother’s relationship, it’s not unconditional, but it’s an agreement to respect and help one another till death do us part. They’ve helped me carve my compass and shown me how to use it. The reality of new motherhood can be difficult and really lonely.'It gives people the sense that grief for everyone is different' - Venetia Quick on podcast she set up after husband's sudden death.
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